Perfectionism sets in motion a vicious cycle. First, they set unreachable goals for themselves. Second, since the goals were impossible to reach to begin with, they always fail to meet those goals. Third, the constant pressure they put on themselves to achieve perfect and the inevitable failure that results reduce productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this causes perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming which turns into a lower self-esteem and sometimes anxiety and depression.
Often, at this point, perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and adopt a new set of goals thinking, 'If I try harder this time I will succeed.' Of course, that just sets the whole vicious cycle in motion again.
Most perfectionists have trouble with interpersonal relationships. They anticipate rejection from those around them and that fear may cause them to react defensively to criticism. This only results in frustrating and alienating others. On the flip side, they may also apply their unrealistically high standards to others, becoming critical and demanding of them. Because of this vicious cycle, they often have difficulty being close to people, creating less than satisfactory interpersonal relationships.
So What Should You Do About It?
The first step is to realize that perfectionism is unattainable and undesirable. The next step is to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism. Here are some strategies that may help:
- Set realistic and reachable goals based on your own wants and needs, based on what you accomplished in the past. This will allow you to reach your goals and lead to a sense of greater self-esteem.
- Set subsequent goals in a sequential manner. When you reach a goal, set your next goal one level beyond your present level.
- Experiment with your standards for success. Take any activity of your choosing and instead of aiming for 100 percent, try for 80 percent, or even 60 percent success. You will realize that the world will not end when you are not perfect.
- Quit focusing on the end result. You will get there in due time. Just focus on the process of doing the activity you are currently working on. Don't evaluate your success only in terms of what you accomplished, but also how much you enjoyed the task.
- When you feel anxious or depressed, ask yourself if you have set up impossible expectations for yourself.
- If fears are behind your perfectionism, ask yourself, 'What am I afraid of?' and 'What is the worst thing that could happen?'
- Remember that the best lessons in life often come from mistakes. When you make a mistake, ask yourself, 'What can I learn from this experience?' Make a list of what you have learned from past mistakes. You may be amazed.
- Avoid all-or-nothing thinking in relation to your goals. Learn to separate the tasks you want to give high priority to from those tasks that are not as important. Tie the amount of effort and time you give a goal to how high a priority it is.
Once you try these suggestions, you will probably realize that perfectionism has not been a very good influence on your life. When you get rid of it, you are much likely to achieve more and enjoy yourself more in the process.