Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching unrealistically high goals. Some people mistakenly believe that perfectionism is necessary for success in our society. But, studies have shown that it actually interferes with success. In fact, the desire to be perfect robs you of a sense of personal satisfaction and causes you to achieve less than people who have more realistic ambitions.
Causes of Perfectionism
If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that some of your earliest experiences in life involved people valuing you because of how much you had accomplished or achieved. One result of this may be that you learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. This may have resulted in your self-esteem being based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. You may come to believe that your only defense to protect yourself from criticism is to become perfect.
Perfectionism creates a number of negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs such as:
- Fear of Failure. Failure to achieve their goals is often equated with a lack of personal worth or value.
- Fear of disapproval. They often fear that if they let others see their flaws that they will no longer be accepted. Being perfect is a way to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
- Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. By concentrating on avoiding mistakes, they miss opportunities to learn and grow.
- All-or-none thinking. They have difficulty keeping things I perspective because they often think that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. For instance, a straight 'A' student who happens to receive a 'B' in one class may consider themselves a total failure.
- Believing that others easily became successful. Because perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate, they tend to see realistic achievers as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, stress, and a lot of self-confidence.
- Overemphasis on how things 'should' work. Perfectionists tend to have an endless list of rigid rules on how the world should behave and their lives should be led. Because of this overemphasis on the external factors, they rarely take into account their own wants and desires.